你知道這不是最後的等待 ◎楊佳嫻

 

十首台灣詩X十位愛爾蘭詩人朗讀

　　

你知道這不是最後的等待　◎#楊佳嫻

　

剪頭髮。剪指甲。

剪掉線頭和毛球。

剪開那封信。剪碎那一束花。

在黑房間裡剪出自己

燭焰描出的輪廓

讓愛人來吹滅

　

再一次剪出一個自己

更小一些

更小

不要驚醒蠟燭

不要驚醒愛人的剪刀

不要以為

可以空降占領陽台

不要以為進了愛人的廚房

就不會成為污漬

　

愛人蓋著時間的棉被

他撫摸著你像撫摸

一支功能確認無誤的新手機

但是他關掉你，他躲進棉被，

他和一個剛剛錯過的星體無線電通話

他愛你，照顧你，

他怕你無聊

他讓你穿著他的衣服，讓你

一個人扮演你和他

　

睡醒了愛人呼喚你

他已經準備好剪刀

新的一天，有沒有甚麼是多餘的——

一個如此清潔俐落的人。

你懷抱著他，聽他說昨晚的夢，

他剪掉截角，為了順利把你倒出來，

再把別人剪進自己的夢裡。

他是懷舊的，他是良善的，

他替每一條路清除路障

他喜歡在別人的房間裡

剪破你的胸口

他想幫助你清理蕪穢的內在

他的願望是世界大同

他要你也乖乖的

一起等待神蹟

　

你知道這不是最後的等待

你將開始自我檢查嗎

「你不會有東西可以剪的。」

你已經剩下最小

最小

如此地對抗著

愛人的潔癖與德行

　　

--

　

“You Know It Won’t Be the Last Time”

by Yang Chia-hsien (1978-)

Translated by Colin Bramwell and Wen-chi Li

　

Cut your hair. Cut your nails.

Cut off the loose threads, the balls of fluff.

Cut open the envelope. Cut up that bunch of flowers.

Cut yourself out in the dark room

Let your lover blow out

his silhouette sketched by the candle flame

　

Cut yourself out once more 

but smaller and

smaller

do not wake up the candle

do not wake up your lover’s scissors

do not assume that

you can alight and occupy the balcony

do not assume that you will not become a stain

just because you stay in your lover’s kitchen

　

He gets beneath the quilt of time

and caresses you like he’s touching

a new mobile phone to confirm it’s in working order

he turns you off, he hides beneath the blankets

he makes a satellite call to a missing star

he loves you, he takes care of you

he is afraid that you are bored

he lets you wear his clothes, he lets you

play both roles, you and him

　

He wakes up. He calls you

He has prepared the scissors

when a new day dawns, is anything superfluous—?

Such a clean and tidy person

You embrace him as he tells you of his dream last night

he cuts into the carton at an angle, that he might smoothly pour you out

he cuts other people out to stick them in his dream

He is nostalgic, he is kind

he clears the roadblocks from every single road

he likes to cut your chest open

in someone else’s room

he wants to help you clean up the filth inside

he wishes for world peace

he wants you to be good like he is

so you can wait together for a miracle

　

You know that it won’t be the last time

Will you investigate yourself?

“You have nothing more to cut.”

You become the smallest

the smallest

against your lover’s 

cleansing and virtue

　

聽詩人Nidhi Zak/Aria Eipe朗讀：https://youtu.be/cqjfHyPTEYo

　

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